The Cure for Common Road Rage

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I consider myself a peaceful and easy going individual most of the time, I've meditated and practiced yoga for almost twenty years. There are few things anymore that rile me up but one of them left are bad drivers. When I'm driving something transformative happens that reduces the level of my patience nearly to zero. It seems that drivers, more than ever, have their minds on anything and everything but driving. Rules of the road to them are mere "suggestions" and this would include lane markers, signs and traffic lights.

Yes, I admit was one of those horn-beeping, finger-flipping barbarians who would call you out for cutting me off, running a red light or drifting into my lane while steering with your knees, sipping your latte and checking your Facebook news feed. 

My cure came in the most unassuming way. Just recently I bought a used 2010 Honda Fit. This car is perfect for me in every way and inadvertently has ended my decade long, love/hate relationship with driving. I believe what this car has taught me could possibly cure road rage on a global level.

I'll never forget the first day I discovered it. It was just a regular day and I was on the way to work. From the other direction someone turned left in front of me, nearly shearing off the first few inches of the front of my "new" car. I was furious and instinctively slammed my palm into the center of the steering wheel and then it happened... "eeeeeeeeep". Just as a succession of fiery expletives were about to leave my lips I laughed instead. This was no normal horn, in fact it reminded me of the one on my old 1983 Tomos moped, if the battery were dying. The sound was embarrassingly dreadful and actually the antithesis of what a horn should be.

Just like that I'm a changed man! As my father so graciously taught me, the gestures and the expletives can come in any order but the horn beeping must proceed them both. That's the way it is, there's no other way. 

Instantly, years of anger were wiped clean. All it took was the embarrassment of a wimpy horn.

~Eric Vance Walton~

The Greatest of Secrets

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You languish, awash in worry
that time is slipping by
and all that once was
has long gone down the road
never to pass your way again

they tell you you’re a sinner
and you remember
when your innocence
wouldn’t allow you to believe
but time and their wicked words
have so deliberately whittled you away

it is they who tell you to keep coming back,
dangling the hope of salvation
just beyond your fervor’s grasp.

But there are a few things
that they have failed to tell you
you are miraculous, you are divinity’s spark
the power of your soul is a sleeping giant, long exiled 

if you only knew the power that you possess
your eyes would stream tears of joy as if awakened
from a terrible nightmare to realize the greatest of secrets,
that you are an emperor in beggar's clothes indeed.

~Eric Vance Walton~

The Cliff

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The knowingnever leaves me now, it's haunting to realize the when, the why, the how

drowning in a sea of greed, so blissfully distracted as the 1% reaps, their machine consuming evermore

We each play our roles but those nervous smiles reveal the feeling that something's wrong with the direction of this herd

At times it seems like the right words might just break our trance but so continues our dance right to the edge of the cliff.

~Eric Vance Walton~

The Cubicle Jungle

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Working in the close quarters of the modern office environment can be more difficult than you think. Below are a few tidbits of wisdom to help navigate you safely through the pitfalls of the cubicle jungle. 

Homo-Cubiclus - An often intelligent but sedentary creature who sits in a tiny three walled office for 8 to 10 hours a day. These creatures survive on various forms of fried pastry, sugar and caffienated beverages and frequently daydream of places far, far away. 

Listed below are some, but not all varieties of Homo-Cubiclus: 

Besmircher - One who has mastered the art of twisting every conceivable positive into a negative. You often feel like washing up after encountering a besmircher. 

Besmoocher - One who cozies up to the boss or high ranking cubicle-mate at every opportunity and then is the first to talk about him/her like a dog when he or she isn't present. Can be nauseatingly saccahrine. Try to exchange nothing but vague pleastantries with a besmoocher. 

Flapper - (Not to be confused with the 1920's era cultural icon). One who will literally explode if, after being told something, doesn't repeat it to someone else within at least five minutes. Flappers have been known to often take creative license in the retelling of said information or stories. Say nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, to a flapper that you don't want repeated. 

Stall Jockey (or sometimes referred to as the less culturally accepted, turd-bird) - An individual who disappears for long periods of time, several times a day. Stall Jockey's can be fun at parties, exhibit a lacksadaisical attitude and sometimes whistle. The tell-tale sign of a stall jockey is the everpresent reading material proudly tucked under one arm or sandwiched between important looking work-related files. 

Togglemaster - One who posses lightning quick reflexes not unlike that of a ninja. They use these reflexes to their advantage by surfing the internet and reading frivilous e-mail attachments for most of the day. These adreniline junkies are masters of using the "Alt" and "Tab" keys to toggle back to that all important spreadsheet or work item just a split second before the boss walks by. Exercise caution when approaching a Togglemaster (ecspecially if unannounced) for they can be skittish and easily exciteable.

Schnoozer - A true schoozer is almost zen-like. They have one foot planted in reality and one foot in the land of dreams and can make an seamless, almost unnoticeable transition. If a Schnoozer is still for more than a few minutes chances are he/she has achieved the illusive dreamlike state. 

Wishy-washer - These people, for various reasons, adamately refuse to state their personal opinion or take a strong stance on any one subject for fear it will go "against the grain" in a homogenous politically correct environment. Often, wishy washers have lost all but a shred of their individuality and delight themselves in owning each and every shade of khaki clothing. 

Roundabout - "All the world's a stage" and, when in the spotlight, a good roundabout can be mesmirizing! Roundabouts take pride in rarely giving a direct answer to any question. Watch for a theatrical oratory style, this will often..but not always give them away. The roundabout climbs the ladder quickly and will continue to hone their craft in the cubicle jungle until such time as they decide to move into the political arena. 

Chief Time Thief – The person in the office who stealthily lies in waiting to nab you at the least opportune times in hallways or restroom areas for lengthy and often pointless conversations. Avoid this person at all costs, especially in social settings. Chief Time Thieves are almost guaranteed to make their victims sweat and have been known to elevate their blood pressure by at least ten points. 

The Piddler – It’s a Piddler’s ultimate goal in life to one day find a way to master the laws of physics and actually suspend time. Until this ultimate goal is reached it will satisfy them to spend least ten times longer than necessary to do each and every job function. Piddlers relish in life’s little details, often have very serious demeanors and appear to be very studious and philosophical. 

The Whittler - One who slowly and steadily erodes the morals of the entire department by spreading rumors and/or gossip with the sole purpose of starting trouble within the group. Whittlers are typically excellent strategists, will talk about anyone behind their backs, pit people against one another and sit back and enjoy the show. A tell tale sign of a Whittler is a saccharine sweet veneer and free flowing compliments for anyone within earshot. 

The Martyr – A Martyr will be the first to tell you, the weight of the world is on their shoulders. Martyrs can be seen heavily sighing and shaking their heads in disgust quite frequently. Nervous ticks and soft incoherent mumblings can sometimes be observed in extreme cases. 

Gigante Importante – A person who has been with the company since the dawn of time and have found a comfortable niche in middle management. Gigante Importante’s, many times, operate under the false assumption that they're indispensable and the Universe would actually grind to a halt if it weren’t for their glowing competence. Be careful, Gigante Importante’s are very territorial and can become argumentative if threatened. 

Shiny-Happy-People - These people are just plain happy as hell. In fact, they can be disturbingly happy. Shiny-Happy-People can exhibit short term memory loss, cry frequently after-hours, most have experimented heavily with psychedelic drugs at some stage in their lives and usually have deep dark secrets that are best left unsaid. 

The Interrupter – A person who dominates each and every conversation or meeting that they’re involved in. There’s an unusual air of intellectual superiority surrounding an Interrupter. Usually thin, nervous with very dramatic communication styles and have a hyena-like laugh. These people clearly weren’t given enough attention as children and are making up for lost time. Interrupters have the unique ability to make others feel like they do not exist. Not unlike the Chief Time Thief, the Interrupter can raise other’s blood pressure significantly. 

The Interceptor - One who will take another’s good idea and present said idea to a manager with the intention of claiming it as their own. The Interceptor is completely devoid of a conscience or even a shred of common sense and can be found lurking behind cubicle walls, eaves dropping. Seasoned Interceptors have even been known to log onto other people’s computers in their absence to obtain their valuable information. 

Human Calliope - One who can make disgusting noises from each and every orifice either separately or in advanced cases, at the same time. Human Calliope’s are often exhibit brash and antisocial behavior. When conversing with a Human Calliope it's best to stand at least ten feet away or perhaps wear a slicker. 

~Eric Vance Walton~

Anything More Is Gravy

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It grew me right up
This blessing, this curse
This thing that compelled me
To become a reluctant deity
Contriving a world and all that
Gives it breath

Once the ambrosia of creation
Brushes against your lips
You rely on its complexity
to complete you

this monkey that clings
so desperately to my back
screeching its words of wisdom
Gleaned from lifetimes
Of living in this harsh world

To have nothing more than that,
would be enough
a stone cold faith in these words
and that they have somehow changed me,
grew me right up
Anything more is gravy.

~Eric Vance Walton~

Success

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Both a seeker
and a scarred sage
I am approaching
that certain age
when you
learn that
each decision
matters,
Fear is both
a bully and
a coward
stand up to it
more than
once and it
shatters

Mine heart
has felt
the glory
of the dawning
of this dream
to be found
a few steps
beyond the
searing pain
of defeat

Each time
you fall
you must rise
again
to your feet
because with
persistence
you will win
and this
success is
so sweet.

~Eric Vance Walton~

Life is an oppo...

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Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is a beauty, admire it.Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is life, fight for it!

-- Mother Teresa (1910-1997) Albanian Missionary

Song Bird

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Your voiceCasts a certain Enchantment Blowing Into the corners Of our minds Like an Indelible wisp

It's a Song that Sparks a silly grin Casting out Our blues And making Us, if only for a Moment, forget The weary miles Walked in Our shoes, Life Is new

It's true As long As we Carry your Sweet song In our hearts The world is A finer place, bone china And delicate lace, cups always brimming With the Rarest tea.

Leave us lifted With each note to savor, Every phrase Is a savior That will whisk Mundane Worries away.

~Eric Vance Walton~

This poem is dedicated to Stacey Kent and Jim Tomlinson.

It Is Written

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Through the fogOf forty years I still remember those afternoons.

4pm sharp, always.

There you are walking up The driveway with Your scuffed lunchbox, And empty thermos, Another hard day's Work behind you

There you sit at the dining room table Almost exactly the age I am now With a steaming cup of black coffee To hold off the weariness For a few more hours

I still remember The smell of metal and of sweat As you ran your fingers Through your hair Brushing away the shavings and Sometimes squinting Through the flash-burns While explaining to us The challenges and triumphs Of another day at "the shop"

Only now do I fully understand The struggle you endured Only now can I identify with that certain Desperation that aches In the moments of waining hope when you feel the true breadth Of the widening gap between How it is and how you always dreamed it would be.

The most important lesson You taught me without ever saying a word, Dad.

You've proven to me That our souls are a wellspring of strength Yet we have this constant thirst Through your example I know It is within me to endure Until the darkness Of the day passes on In our genes it is written And for this I will be forever grateful.

~Eric Vance Walton~

Ditching Satellite TV - Installment Two

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Recap. My wife and I decided we were fed up with $100 per month satellite TV bills and found an alternative after months of searching. Fast forward two weeks and the equipment has been delivered and installed. A refurbished Apple TV for $75 from Apple.com, an RCA Model 165 digital antenna purchased from Amazon.com for $45.  I'm not going to lie, it was a liberating feeling when that postage paid box came and I boxed up the old satellite hardware and shipped it back knowing the bills would stop. 

How's it working so far? We love it. We opted for both Hulu Plus and Netflix so our total monthly cost for television has dropped from $85 per month to $16. Both streaming services excel in different areas and the having both offers a great variety of cable television programs and movies. The digital antenna was super easy to install and we pull in 25 HD channels for free including the major networks, public TV and some really cool local stations.  We have twice the viewing options as we did before for far less money. 

I only have two gripes so far. The first is not being able to see the TV schedule for the channels pulled in from the digital antenna. I suppose that was how the old TV Guide magazine survived all those years. For less than 25% the cost and twice as many viewing options I can live with it. The second gripe? The satellite TV company will not quit calling me asking me to come back. They offered to cut my bill in more than half the for the first six months and offer the pay per view movies for free…"it's just like Netflix, they said."  Sorry, it's a case of too little too late.  To be continued...

My Debut Novel - Alarm Clock Dawn

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http://www.lulu.com/shop/eric-vance-walton/alarm-clock-dawn/paperback/product-21101196.html Are you looking for a novel to cozy up with on those cold Fall nights? Posted above is a link to my debut novel. This is the first novel of the trilogy and the sequel, Dream No More, will be coming this time next year!

Reader Review by Shawn Mullen-

This is an excellent first novel from an author more known for his poetry. Set in a dystopian society, that frankly looks like somewhere we could easily be headed, the author crafts a cautionary tale about the excesses of a society that strives for more and more "things". Driven by huge multinational corporations with excellent advertising (Marlboro, Budweiser, Lunestra anyone?), the story evolves to provide a yin to the yang that sets it up. I am NOTORIOUS for getting halfway through a book and jumping to the last chapter, just because I hate waiting. This book was the first one that I didn't do that to in a Looooong time, and I was handsomely rewarded. There was a nice twist and denouement that I just didn't see coming. Well worth the read!

Wander Lost

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When the routines of lifeshroud my peace and cause me to wander lost

I long to be a small fish in a big pond,

to lose myself in the bright spot of the next road’s vanishing and to be born again in foreign eyes

I then awaken in remembrance that happiness isn’t meant to be rationed out like thin grey gruel

each day's dawn is a sweet symphony and as long as I hear the music my dreams will have to die another day.

~Eric Vance Walton~

Please "like" and share my Facebook author page.

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Please "like" and share my Facebook author page.

Biography
Eric Vance Walton is a novelist, author and poet with a writing career spanning nearly two decades. He has published several books in different genres and has won awards for his writing including the, “James Thurber Treat Prize.”Alarm Clock Dawn is Eric's debut novel and will be the first of a trilogy in the series.

A native of Columbus, Ohio he currently resides in Saint Paul, Minnesota with his wife and their beagle Amstel. If he's not working on his latest book you can find him cycling, walking with Amstel in the woods or traveling with his wife.

Description

Alarm Clock Dawn, Eric's debut novel published in the spring of 2013 was the first of a trilogy of novels. The sequel, Dream No More is due to be released in the fall of 2014 and the third book, Truth Is Stranger, will be published in 2015.

To Run Free

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We shared a brief 
sliver of time,
You and I
That will forever hold
In a white-knuckled grip

We tried all of the silly games
I threw the ball, you looked at it
Tail wagging feverishly 

We grew up together,
You were my friend when I had none
We shared many a young summer days running free 
In the grassy fields

As I grew stronger and you grew older,
It was more difficult for you to nip at my heels,
The runs evolved to sprints,
Tapering to trots
And then only occasional walks
Until we came to an agreement 
That naps held precedence over walks

As your sight failed you
You made use of what
You had without a whimper

Pretty soon naps held precedence over most things
But your old gray eyes still sparkled with life

I would come home to be greeted by the sound of your tail thumping the hardwood floor

You asked for nothing more than to be loved
And you returned that love tenfold

I will always remember
That day that your eyes
Lost their sparkle,
The day we had to face a harsh reality,
The day we had to truly show our love

As we said our last goodbyes
Your tail thumped the table
and for a brief second I swear I saw that old glimmer

I like to think it was a thank you
For letting you run free once again.

~Eric Vance Walton~